Let's talk about those times when someone makes a joke, but it doesn't make you laugh — it hurts a little instead. You might feel confused and wonder, "Why did they say that if it's not nice?"
Think about it like this: When someone teases you and it feels mean, sometimes they're just trying to get a laugh from other people. They might enjoy being the center of attention, even if it makes you feel bad. It's not a good thing to do, and it's okay to feel upset about it.
You know that icky feeling you get in your stomach when this happens? That's because deep down, you know it's not really a joke if it's not funny to everyone. If someone keeps doing this, it can make us feel lonely — like we're the only one not enjoying the fun.
But here's the thing to remember: you're not alone. Lots of us have felt this way before when someone says "just joking." And it's really hard to understand sometimes, especially if we think they're our friend.
It's kind of like if you're playing with a toy that's special to you, and someone else comes by and keeps poking at it, saying they're just playing. But it bothers you, right? Because it's yours, and you want to be treated nicely.
Understanding that jokes are supposed to make everyone happy, not sad or hurt, is a big step. It helps you see that it's not okay for someone to poke at your feelings, just like it's not okay for them to poke at your favorite toy.
So, when someone says, "It's just a joke," but you're not laughing, it's a sign that something's not right. You deserve to be treated nicely, with kindness and respect, all the time. And knowing this is the first step in feeling better about yourself and those around you.
When someone says something unkind to you and then brushes it off as a joke, it's not just an innocent bit of fun. In fact, it could be hiding other not-so-nice things they're doing. What they're really doing is poking at you in a way that's not easy to poke back at because they're not being straight-up mean — they're doing it with a smile.
The "joke" is like a mask. Just as someone might wear a mask on their face to hide who they are, a person might use a joke to cover up being unkind. Instead of saying something mean directly, they sneak it in with a laugh. But underneath, the hurtful part is still there. It's like mixing something yucky into your favorite food — it might look fine on the outside, but it doesn't feel good when you take a bite.
Now, that's not to say all jokes are bad. Jokes are great when they make us all laugh together! But if someone's jokes are often about others and make people feel uncomfortable or sad, then those jokes aren't really jokes — they're just a sneaky way to be mean.
Let's think about why that happens. When someone makes fun of you, it's like they're pointing a spotlight at you, but not for something good. It's like they're saying you're not quite right in some way—you're different. Even if they don't mean it to be hurtful, deep down, it feels like a tiny betrayal. You're supposed to have each other's backs, right? Instead, you might start asking yourself, "Am I really like that?" or "Do they all think that's true about me?"
That can shake how you see yourself. Just like looking in a funny mirror that warps your reflection can make you think you look strange, these jokes can warp how you feel about yourself.
Your feelings are a big deal. They're like your inner compass, telling you what's okay and what's not. If a joke makes your compass spin and you feel lost, that's a sign. It tells you something is not right.
Now, let's say you're carrying a backpack. Every hurtful joke adds a rock to it. One rock might not be heavy, but as more and more get added, that backpack gets really heavy to carry. After a while, it's all you can focus on, not the path you're walking or the beautiful things around you. It's just the negative weight.
Your feelings being hurt time and again, it's like your heart is getting those little scratches that don't go away easily. That's why it can hurt so much. Because every person wants to feel liked and accepted for who they are. Not laughed at for an "off" moment. It's these small, unkind moments that can add up, making our heart-heavy and our self-trust a bit shaky.
It isn't just about getting tougher skin or not caring; it's about understanding why it's happening and knowing that it's perfectly okay to say, "This joke isn't okay with me." Because your feelings are your own, and they deserve to be treated with care, just like you do.
When someone keeps making jokes that hurt you, it affects you in more ways than you might realize. It's not just about feeling bad in the moment; it's about how it starts to change the way you think about other people, even when they're not joking around.
You see, when one person teases you again and again, it can make it hard to trust that person. You start to wonder, "If they're supposed to be my friend, why do they keep saying things that make me upset?" It's like every time they make a "joke," they're making a little crack in the trust you have for them. And when that trust gets enough cracks, it can break. You might want to walk away from that friend because it hurts too much to be around them.
But here's what happens next: those doubts about one person start to spread to other people. You might meet someone new, and they seem nice, but there's this little voice in your head asking, "What if they start making jokes like that, too? Can I really trust them?" It's not that you think everyone is going to be mean, but getting teased has made you more cautious. It's like once you've burned your hand on a hot stove, you're extra careful around anything that could be hot. You don't want to get burned again.
That fear of being hurt can make it so much harder to meet new people and make new friends. It's like every time you think about opening up to someone, there's a big stop sign in your mind telling you it might not be safe. That stop sign makes you question whether people are being nice or if they're just setting up for another joke at your expense.
These feelings can make you stay away from people and keep to yourself a lot more. It's not because you don't like people or because you don't want friends. It's because trusting new friends means taking a chance, and when your trust has been broken before, that chance feels really, really big. It's kind of like if you've fallen off a bike and scraped your knee—it's going to take some courage to get back on that bike and try again.
But here's the good news: just like you can learn how to ride a bike safely with practice, you can learn how to trust people again, too. It takes time, and it's okay to go slow. You can start small by sharing little things with someone new and see how they handle it. Do they respect you? Are they kind? Little by little, if they show you they're trustworthy, that big, scary chance of trusting them starts to feel smaller. And before you know it, you might just find yourself on the path to a real friendship, one where no one's trying to hurt you with a joke, and you can trust that they have your back.
Let's talk about what to do when someone makes one of those jokes that don't make you feel good inside. You might think, "Should I laugh along to fit in?" or "Should I say something about how I feel?" It's really tough to know what's the right thing to do.
When this kind of thing keeps happening, it's like someone is taking a little piece of your happiness each time. And you start to feel smaller, like you can't speak up for yourself. But here's a secret—your voice is powerful, even if it trembles a bit when you speak up.
Standing up for yourself can be as simple as saying, "Hey, I don't like those jokes, please stop." Or even just, "That's not funny to me." It doesn't have to be a big fight; it's just letting people know what's not okay for you. Think of it like drawing a line in the sand. You're showing them where your space starts, and they should not step over that line.
When you tell someone their joke hurts, you're not just protecting your feelings; you're teaching them something too. Maybe they didn't know it was hurtful, and now they do. By speaking up, you might help them learn to be a better person, not just to you but to everyone else they joke around with.
Speaking up can also help you feel stronger. Every time you say what you feel, it's like you're proving to yourself that you matter. Your feelings matter. And that's a really big deal.
Being on the receiving end of jokes that mask unkindness can be really hard. If you're tired of feeling this way and want some help figuring out what to do, then Start Living Your Truth might be just what you need. We're all about helping you make sense of things that are confusing or hurtful.
Our mentoring is made just for you. We take the time to understand who you are, what you've been dealing with, and where you want to go from here. We can promise you'll find understanding, clarity, and the strength to bounce back from tough times. Plus, you'll get to connect with others who really get what you're going through.
Signing up is easy. Just reach out, and we'll talk about what you need in a way that feels comfortable for you. Your story is safe with us; everything stays private. And we're dedicated to walking with you every step of the way as you become the strong, happy person you deserve to be.
Taking that first step might feel big, but it's worth it. You're not alone, and you don't have to handle these challenges by yourself. Start Living Your Truth is here for you — to listen, to support, and to guide you towards a life filled with more smiles and more real friends.
