Sometimes in life, we cross paths with people who don't bring out the best in us. These can be friends, family members, co-workers, or even romantic partners. And when things go south, these individuals might throw a harsh phrase at you: "Why can't you just move on?" It can feel like a punch to the gut, a clear sign they're pushing you away, making you feel small and unimportant.
Some other things they might say are;
Let's break this down simply: That phrase is like a quick dismissal. It's as though they're saying, "You don't matter, so just disappear." It's incredibly painful and can leave you feeling alone and lost. Sometimes, they might even be using these words to twist the situation, trying to make you come back to them by making you feel unworthy.
Statements like this adds another layer of pain.
Their words can make you feel incredibly small. It’s like they’re saying you're a broken toy they no longer want to play with, and now you should just get over being broken. But it's not that simple, and it's not right that they expect you to brush off your feelings and act as if nothing happened.
Now imagine a close bond where you've been made to feel you absolutely need the other person to feel good about yourself. They've given you love, attention, and support, and suddenly, it's all gone. They take these things away, and you're left craving their approval like before. You're left feeling abandoned and even more alone.
You might not have noticed, but over time, this behavior makes you see yourself in a not-so-great light. Your confidence starts to dwindle, and without them, you feel like you can't function – like you're nothing without their approval. That's what they want, to keep you under control.
Your self-worth has become so tied to them that you can't imagine life without their presence. So when they pull away from you, your world feels like it's crumbling because they still hold the power because you've been tailored to need them.
This dependency didn't occur overnight. It involved subtle, relentless chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem. You're left feeling lesser and the toxic individual retains superiority, keeping the upper hand. If you recognize these patterns – this should raise a red flag. It's not about dependency; it's about control.
Imagine you've been playing a game of tug-of-war with this person. For the game to work, both people need to be dependent on each other to put in the effort. This other person, who's been pulling hard, suddenly tells you, "Why don't you just let go of the rope?" It seems strange, right? You might wonder why they’d say that when they’re the one who has also been playing the game.
This is how it feels when someone has made you dependent on them suddenly tells you to "just move on." It's like they're tired of the game, but instead of admitting they can't pull any longer or that they're giving up, they act as though you're the one who's holding onto the rope too tightly. They're quick to pretend the whole struggle never happened.
The reason they do this can be sneaky. In a relationship with someone like this, they often see everything as a way to win or get what they want, like they're in a contest. But the problem is, it’s not a fun game for you because you’re being used for their fun, not having any yourself.
Seeing this for what it really is—them losing control, not you—means you can start to find your own strength. It's realizing that you're not the one who has to keep holding on since they're already letting go. It's a moment for you to pick up the rope for yourself, not because the bully tells you to, but because you decide it's time to stop this game and regain your life.
In simple words, they treated the time with you as a game, not as something real with true feelings. This doesn’t mean you did anything wrong; it means they weren’t being considerate or kind. When you understand this, you can see that you're not a game piece to be played with, and you can make your own choices, including the one to move on when you’re ready, in your own time and for your own reasons.
When you're trying to get over a hard time with someone who didn't treat you right, it can be good to ask yourself some questions to help you feel better and take back your strength.
Here are some simple questions to think about:
Releasing the grip, letting go and moving on isn't about forgetting or pretending nothing happened. It's about gaining from the experience and becoming more resilient..
You're never as alone as they, or you, might think—you have a reservoir of strength and resilience that's uniquely yours, waiting to be tapped.
Still, find yourself pondering the thought, “Why can’t I just move on?” This is where our Stand Strong Mentoring Service steps in. We offer an empathetic ear and guidance – like talking to a friend who's always in your corner. When your inner circle doesn’t seem to understand, or you simply need an outsider's perspective to gain clarity, we’re here to help.
In the end, it's healthier for you to let go and not because someone demanded it in a dismissive tone. Let go because you recognize the strength within yourself to move forward, to take care of your well-being. So, if you need to talk or just someone to listen, we're here for you. Look into Stand Strong Mentoring, and together, we'll help you find your path to standing tall and moving on for the right reasons – your reasons.
